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As I sit to write this column it is just two days since the killing rampage by the two youth in Littleton, Colorado. How dreadfully, dreadfully sad. I think that after the victims themselves – those whose lives and potential have been ended, and those who are in critical condition and who may never again have the same opportunities for a normal life – I feel most sorry for the parents of the killers. Not only do they grieve the loss of their children to a violent death but they shall be haunted for the rest of their lives with the questions, How could I have prevented it? What did I do wrong?

According to a CNN poll about 51% of the people queried are asking the same question. "What did the parents do wrong?" When something terrible happens, we always look for someone or something to blame. It is our attempt to gain some control. If we can place the blame, we can fix the problem and be safe. Unfortunately, fixing the problem is not so simple, and even the blame cannot be clearly ascribed. When asked if the recent school shootings were an indication that there is something seriously wrong in the United States, 79% answered yes. I have to agree, but what? 60% felt that the availability of guns had a great deal to do with the killings; another 19% felt that the availability of guns had a moderate amount to do with the violence. That means that 79% of the people polled point to the availability of guns as a source of violence and killing in the US. No wonder the NRA decided to scale down their Denver Convention after the shootings. (They were probably afraid that the parents would come gunning for them.) It is unfortunate that the Colorado legislature decided to put off its vote on gun control following the massacre – it sounds to me as though their minds were made up and they didn’t want to be influenced by an outpouring of public opinion. What a shame.

One of the saddest statements that I have heard was from a gentleman being interviewed who said (and I paraphrase), "These children used to go off quietly and commit suicide, now they take others with them." What a terribly sad commentary, but one with a ring of truth. The innate cruelty of young people unsure of their own identity (I read one argument, blaming the "jocks" for making these kids outcasts in the first place.), the inability of most adolescents to take the long view and see beyond the moment, the painful struggle with depression, the escape into fantasy - all play a role in the sad reality of teen suicide and violence.

In our own sorrow, anger, and frustration we must be careful what we do to "fix the problem." One Colorado legislator recommended that principals be equipped with guns. Can you imagine a principal shooting a student in the hallway, under any circumstances? Can you image the fall-out? A US Representative is demanding stricter dress codes, metal detectors, body searches, and a return to family values (his family values). These are not solutions.

The African saying, made popular by Hillary Clinton, "It takes a whole village to raise a child," comes much closer to the truth. Our village, the United States, raises our children with violent TV, movies, and music. Our media pound us with pictures of violence, and highlight the aberrant. Our government models bully-ism, aggression, and hypocrisy. Drugs and guns are readily available. Our corporations break up family life by frequent moves and by long hours of work and travel. What messages do we send to our children? What time do we have to spend with them? Where is the help for beleaguered parents and teachers?

Marian Wright Edelman, founder and president of the Children’s Defense Fund, writes, "...there is no buffer from the world, ... it is a shame that they [children] are being robbed of their childhood and robbed of their sense of security and robbed of their sense that the world is a friendly place." Edelman places a lot of responsibility on parents "Parents are the most important teachers in their children’s lives, and they must be sure they are providing a good example," she says. I agree with her, but I also believe that they need help. We all have a responsibility to speak out against the violence that permeates our culture. We need to offer our time and ourselves as role models when the parents’ energies run short. Here at First Church we who are not parents could offer to teach Sunday School or work with the Youth Group – why should the parents be left to fill these roles? We could volunteer to be mentors. And we need to speak out when we see children behave in inappropriate ways and when we see adults behave in inappropriate ways. We can stop bullies. It is up to us to provide a positive environment. WE are the role models.

Will that make the world safe for us and our kids? I believe it will help, but there are no guarantees. In the end each child is responsible for his or her own response to need, to hurt, to frustration, to anger, and to love. We can teach them how to cope as best we can; we can offer them a hand, but in the end we can only hope that they will grow into the healthy adults we pray for them to become.

                                                     With love, Sydney